Should I let my boyfriend join the military?
So, don't ask don't tell was repealed just a few hours ago and my boyfriend found out instantly and told me he would like to join. In his family, there are a line of men who served in the air force... so he's pretty much been indoctrinated into serving. The problem is we just bought a condo together in cash and have barely started furnishing it. I have an associates degree in psychology and i'm currently back in school, enrolled in the RN (registered nurse) program. To become a surgical RN. I feel like him joining will ruin our plans of finishing the condo and stunt my ability to commit full time to the program. But even worse, I want to move to Canada eventually (within the next 6 years) and him joining would probably bind me and cause me to stay in America. I'm only 18, and he's 23. I feel like this situation is really emphasizing the age gap between us. Should I try my hardest and convince him other wise? Or just accept it and see if it ruins our goals or relationship? Or is there really an alternative?
Other - Family & Relationships - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You need to talk to HIM about this. Personally I wouldn't want my boyfriend/girlfriend joining the military because it's against my beliefs.
2 :
I think if you two plan on staying together for awhile, then you both need to consider each other's lives. Him joining the military doesn't mean that he'll be in Iraq. He'll have to do his basic training but other than that, he can work on a base near by. If he enlists it's only for a min of I think 8 years maybe 6. Talk to him about it.
3 :
i would explain to him exactly how you feel and you guys could figure things out together, maybe make a compromise because both of your happiness is important not just his and not just yours. personally i wouldn't want my boyfriend joining the military because i am against it. i believe we should be able to talk things though and the only time we should fight is if people in a certain country are being mistreated by there government and need help. like woman in foreign countries who are being mistreated. or gays.
4 :
in my point of view, if you feel that his conscript will ruin your mutual plans i think you must convince him to change his mind. Try to enlighten him with detailed points against joining the Army. As for me I dissuade my husband of being a millitant as I think if you are not going to be a general then it doesnt worth it.
5 :
if he joins he joins and there is nothing you can do about it. married the perks are decent for the couple in the AF you can rent or sell the condo after basic he will know where he will be and you can start school there transferring your credits Canada could be a whole different matter. Need to check that out. After initial enlistment completed Canada possible or after his retirement
6 :
There's a lot of I.in this note, like I feel, I want, I try , should I let. Nothing about really what he wants only what you want. In a relationship it's about the two of ya, not just your needs. Your young so you want things to work out perfectly, but unfortunate that's not how real life work. He's old enough to make his own decisions, and if going into the military is what he feels is best for him then that is what he should do. Not everyone who joins goes to war, it depends on what branch he goes into and what trade he takes up. Just like you should follow your dreams. If you two are meant to be together you should both be able to reach your dreams and still make it work. If it doesn't move on like I said you are young and the person you are in love with now, might not be the same person you would have fell in love with five or even six years from now. But like I said, you two are young and need to start getting your career started.
7 :
Two schools of thought here. Just because the government repealed the law doesn't mean it is going to be all popcorn and candied apples for gays that come out while serving. Look at all the blacks that struggled forever trying to get ANY kind of recognition, even though they bled red for the U.S. The other one is this. Your boyfriend is his own person and needs to make his own decisions based on his personal mores and values. The fact of the matter is that you can't "let" or "make" anyone do something they do or don't want to do. The only person you hold any sway over is you and the actions you take. If you don't want him to join, you get to speak your peace, but the final decision is his to make. Turn it around though. If the same instance was happening to you, would he support you and back you and be there for you when the whole thing is done and over with? If the answer is no then you might be in the wrong relationship. Good luck with whatever you say and whatever he does.
8 :
Obviously, you have made commitments to each other however he has as much right as you do to pursue his career choices. Being a couple at any age is difficult when career choices conflict with previously made plans. You both need to communicate honestly about your feelings. It does sound like you are thinking more of yourself than him by the statements you have made of "I" and not "we"; something that could mean you need to discuss this more so that you both understand each other and yourselves. Relationships take communication, understanding and work. Do not take a "let's watch and see"attitude because you might not like what you SEE. Good Luck.
9 :
Personally, I would try to convince my boyfriend not to join. I just wouldn't be able deal being away from him! But then again, I would feel like I was being selfish :( (but I would still try convince him not to go!) It seems like you've got alot going for you though, with becoming a RN and all, so I guess you'll have something to keep you going when he's gone. I guess you two will just have to sit down and have a talk about where your relationship is at, and how it would be if he joined and if he didn't join. Analyse your options :)
10 :
I understand your worries, but it isn't a matter of what you are willing to let him do. Holding him back from what he wants to do may hurt your relationship in the long run if he starts harboring resentment, wondering what life would be like if he hadn't let you convince him not to join. You two should have a heartfelt discussion about this, weighing the pros and cons, and whatever decision you guys make, try to make the most of it.
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